okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
