Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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