My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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