something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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