i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
