1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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