is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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