I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
