Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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