i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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