stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
