there's paper in my vomit.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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