she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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