did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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