We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
