I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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