drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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