drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
