One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
