wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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