You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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