You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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