We're like a lot better than the average bears
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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