it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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