she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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