dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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