I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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