The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
