New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
