i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
