I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize