my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
