I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
