He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Alive.
So much puke
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
