come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
