I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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