I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
