I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
