You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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