You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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