I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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