my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am available for nakedness
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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