let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
