We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
