I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
