walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
