On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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