You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
