i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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