im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
