The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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