Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize