So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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