I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
