I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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