too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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