I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
