how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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