Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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