You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
