I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Text me some of your sweat
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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